So it has been 3 months since William was born. And I am now a mother of 3! Everyone gave me their opinions on the third child...."the transition to 2 was harder"..."the transition to four was the hardest"..."once you have done 3 you can have an army"....
Well- I heard it all from all the wise mothers out there and I believe them. But I guess it never truly sank in. Because seriously it has taken me THREE months to finally get back to the swing of things or at least feel like I am not a sinking ship waving my white flag of surrender. I still don't have it all together, there are many things that are lacking, but I have learned to let some things go. I just don't have the time for everything. And with three children, I have even less time....how do you find the time to do all that you care about??? I always feel like I am falling short. That I just can't do everything that I want and need to do. I look at other mothers and think, "How is their house always so clean, their kids are perfect, they are always so skinny, their food is always delicious, they are so spiritual, etc. etc. etc. They are basically perfect." What am I doing wrong? Why can't I find the TIME to do everything that I care about....?
Yes, I do care that my house is (most of the time) cluttered with toys, dirty dishes, piled up laundry, needs to be swept, vacuumed, dusted, etc. etc. etc.
I care about doing all the things that are expected of an active member of the church...praying, reading scriptures, attending the temple, planning and completing meaningful family home evenings, magnifying my calling, etc. etc. etc.
I care about being a good family member and friend and trying to find time to call, text, visit, plan playdates with the kids, etc. etc. etc.
I care about how I look and how my kids look and trying to keep up on physical appearance, hair cuts, makeup, doing hair, plucking eyebrows, painting toe nails, eating right, exercising, shaving legs and armpits, showering daily, clipping fingernails and toenails, etc. etc. etc.
There are also many other things that I care about...home decorating, yard work, cooking, baking, serving others, being up to date on doctors and dentist appts., paying bills, couponing, reading a book, etc. etc. etc.
But I also care about my Damon and my three kiddos and spending time with each of them. It is a real struggle I have trying to balance all the roles I have...mother, housekeeper, teacher, wife, etc. etc. etc.
I know I am problaby just a big fat complainer, but WHERE DOES EVERYONE ELSE SEEM TO FIND TIME TO DO ALL THE THINGS THEY CARE ABOUT???
And after trying to figure it out and beating myself up over it, over and over and over again. I realized, it doesn't really matter. We all have things we care about and it is just about prioritizing the things we care about most! And for me I don't care as much what people think when they come over and see the toys all over the living room, because it means my kids have been playing and having fun. It is okay that I have dishes in the sink. I will get to them when I can. It is okay if I don't make it to the gym some mornings because my baby woke me up every hour during the night etc. etc. etc.
The most important thing that I have learned is that I have three children and a husband that I care the most about and they come first. I will try to accomplish the other things too, but for now I want to spend as much time with my little family while I can. Because 20 years from now I don't want to look back and regret not holding my baby and rocking him to sleep, instead of plucking my unkempt eyebrows. I doubt I will look back and say, "I wish I would have really spent more time mopping, cleaning or dusting." But I would look back and regret not spending more time with my children. I have heard it from all the experienced mothers out there...it goes fast, don't blink. It is so true, I can't believe Miya is already 5! She goes to kindergarten in the fall and I have already started crying and regretting the time I didn't spend with her while she was home, and I still have some months to recover....
This post is mostly my thoughts just rambling around, but hopefully someone else who struggles to find time for everything may get some comfort in knowing that they aren't alone. When we look at other women and think they can do it, I should be able to. It really doesn"t matter. It is most impotant that we are trying our best and not to compare ourselves to others. We do what works best for us and for our families. I love my family and I am grateful for the time that I am able to spend with them.
7 comments:
i love this post!. i am feeling the same way and i only have 2 so far.. not sure how 3 will work in may but i guess i will have to figure it out.. after a long talk with my mom i have come to peace that if i can get my kids in bed at night with them knowing that they are wanted and loved then that is all you really need..
It's okay Jamilla, my eyebrows are totally out of control too!
I don't have three kids, but with balancing my one and my job I've also learned that I can't care 100% about everything all the time. And that's okay. I think it's impressive that after three months you're making it to the gym at all. It's been seven months and I've exercised maybe a grand total of eight times?
Amen sister! It took me about 5 months to get back into the swing of things after having #3. It was a hard time! And I think you're an amazing mom! Maybe read that talk Good, Better, Best by Dallin Oaks? Also, you're doing much better than i did with 3 (check out my blogpost here http://emilygibbons.blogspot.com/2007/03/ode-to-3-reflections-on-first-year-with.html Now I'll let you know how it goes with four SCARY!!!
so very true. One of the best things I've ever heard is that "life is long", you don't have to do everything you care about perfectly at any one time of life...there are seasons. Right now just happens to be the season for loving on three adorable little ones. Later can be another season of self development or service outside of the home.
I can't imagine a better post! I kind of cried a little while reading it because I could relate so well. Sam just turned 7 months old and I still don't feel like I have it under control. Somedays I will feel like I do- but then the next day comes along and I feel I've lost all control. Oh well. Your totally right. In the long run I will not regret the things I did with my small children during the brief chapter my children were small. But worrying about, the house, dinner, appearances etc. Is something I have years to worry about!
I miss you so much Jamilla!!!!
Wow, you took the words out of my mouth! When the twins were born I often wondered "I am not the first women to have twins so why do they seem to have it together?" It turns out that they dont either, I dont think anyone does. They just do what most important and that being a mother! My laundry gets piled up, my dishes need to be washed and my kids are happy!
I know how you feel, it is so hard not to look at other mothers and not feel adequate, I feel this way almost everyday! I am still trying to get it all together and my 3rd is now almost 11 months old. I have days that I would be embarrassed to have anyone drop by as my house, as it is a disaster, because I did decide to spend the time playing with the kids, instead of doing all the house chores.
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